What 18 Years Means To Me

"When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” –Walt Disney

When I was a little girl I used to get behind my Grandma’s lace dining room curtains, drape them across my face, grasp some flowers between my two hands and cue off the wedding march all on my own. The drapes would slowly inch up my body, rising with each step over my face and falling off the top of my head. I was enacting a dream I had. A dream to one day wear a beautiful gown, hold some beautiful flowers and have a beautiful veil cover my face. Of course, my five year-old-self hadn’t given much consideration to a major player in this dream. The groom! This dream was all about a wedding. Not a marriage.

Just a couple short years later I was lying in the burn unit. On occasion, I expressed my assumptions. I can revisit those seven year-old-thoughts like they were rolling through my mind yesterday. Who will ever love me? No one will ever want to marry me. I will never have a husband. I will never have children.

Dreams of children are often full of fantasy. I suppose mine were no different. I hadn’t lived long enough to dream of high educational goals. I hadn’t lived long enough to envision myself in a respectable career. I simply dreamed of what I saw in my Disney movies. And while I saw what my body looked like, it was my Disney movies that influenced me to believe; believe that maybe, just maybe someone would love me, with all my scars still find beauty in me and love me.

A dream is a wish your heart makes When you're fast asleep In dreams you lose your heartaches Whatever you wish for, you keep   Have faith in your dreams and someday Your rainbow will come smiling through No matter how your heart is grieving If you keep on believing The dream that you wish will come true ~ Cinderella

Brandon Meadows was my fulfillment of that dream.

Hopefully you didn’t vomit a little in your mouth at that last sentence, because while this post may be a little mushy-gushy, it does have some authentic marriage reflections I pray are encouraging to you.

I would have never ever thought in a million years that I’d meet the one “for whom my soul loves” at a Driller’s baseball game in Tulsa, Oklahoma when I was only fifteen years old. Never. In a million years!

And while we didn’t “hit it off,” the introduction paved the way for interest, leading to friendship and as the fairytales would have it, growing into love. But anyone who has been married for a hot minute can agree that not every married-moment feels like a fairytale. Ours certainly hasn’t.

06.19.1999. Our wedding date. Our marriage date. The beginning of our life together. The fruition of one dream and the vision of many more.

We were 18.

18 years old.

Barely adults. Barely old enough to vote. Underage to rent a car. Underage to have a toast of champagne.

We had nothing…..EXCEPT a dream of a life together.

Dreams are created twice. The first creation is spiritual. The second creation is physical. But they always start with what if? What if you knew you couldn’t fail- what would you do? What if time or money weren’t an object- what God-sized goal would you go after? - Mark Batterson, If

Oh, we knew we could fail. Countless people pointed to the possibility.

Oh, we knew money was an object. We had a futon for our furniture and converted a barn for our house.

But here we are 18 years later. Here we are at this stage, where we’ve lived in our marriage covenant just as long as we lived before it; celebrating half our lives married in the happiest place on earth. (Because our thirty-six year-old selves still believe in dreams, fairytales and happily ever afters.)

And here are just a few things we’ve gathered-

1. The two shall become one is an on-going process.

And man! Has it ever been a process! There have been many a moments we didn’t mesh like one. But those moments have become fewer and farther in between. God created us individually with our own giftings, personalities and strengths, but He called us to be one. Years ago our small group leaders, Larry & Joan, gave us some valuable insight: When you get married you’re not sprinkled with magic oneness dust. Now that we could relate to. Wouldn’t it be nice if Tinker Bell could flitter around every marriage ceremony with a little bit of oneness dust?! But getting married in Disney won’t even guarantee that. It’s an every day, sometimes moment-by-moment decision (especially in the heated ones) to desire unity above anything else. Amazingly, even people with as different personalities as Brandon and me, eventually start thinking like one another, even finishing each other’s sentences! (That one really creeps the kids out by the way!)

2. Sacrificial love didn’t look like what we thought it would.

Has anyone seen Disney’s Inside Out? Joy multiplies the manufacturing of Riley’s imaginary boyfriend. You know, the boyfriend we all imagined as teenagers? He continuously says, “I would die for Riley.” But living for someone can be way more sacrificial. Like saying, “I’m sorry.” I don’t know about you but that one is SUPER HARD after some intense disagreements. And like protecting and defending your spouse even at the expense of other relationships. Or like declining a job transfer that would take you away from your spouse, even if it may mean losing your job. Can’t say when we made that commitment we pictured the potential of having to consider the reality of possibly taking a pay cut or a position below qualifications. Thankfully, when we said, “no” for our marriage, God opened a door for an even better career change. But we would’ve never known had we not had the mindset of sacrificial love.

3. We’re hinged on choice.

With sacrifice comes vulnerability. Standing before God and witnesses, vowing our life to our spouse, forsaking our self and all others as long as we both shall live puts us in a pretty vulnerable place. Forever. Brandon and I are seeing 18 years married, simply because he has chosen me and I have chosen him each day since June 19, 1999. We can love each other but keeping this union going means we each have to choose. And knowing that at any point one person may choose otherwise can be freakishly vulnerable. We’re geared to self protect, but that doesn’t jive with sacrificial love. So we go all in, abandoning ourselves and trusting God. Trusting God to help us forgive, trusting God to help us face the sin and shortcomings (because as hard as it is to face our own sin and shortcomings, it’s even more challenging to have to deal with our spouse’s). And even if a choice is made to abandon the covenant, still trusting God.

So here we are, thanking God for the yesterdays and trusting Him for our tomorrows. Not always picturesque. Not always perfect. But grateful for sharing it together.

Colossians 1:17 He existed before anything else, and He holds all creation together.

I pray this post spoke to you. 

Did you know I’m writing a book about persevering through life’s painful places?  Would you join me in supporting these endeavors by subscribing to our blog and sharing with your friends and family? 

We can’t grow with out you.

*thank you to Kevin with Disney Fine Art Photography & Video for capturing some Grand Floridian Anniversary moments for us!

When Life Has You Benched

I think it’s best to start this post with a disclaimer, a little clarification, that in no way, at all, am I implying I know much about anything involving sports. This post was comprised from a few Google searches and my own personal observations of a seventh grade basketball team. I’ve learned a lot.

Our oldest son has a love for fishing, soccer and basketball. He didn’t inherit any of those passions from his mom, and only one of them he can trace back to his dad. Jaron began playing soccer when he was four and basketball at five. Actually, he has interest in pretty much any physical outdoor or sporting activity, but over the years we have watched him hone in on his favorites.

You can only imagine our excitement and enthusiasm for him to play school ball this year. Attending games with parents we’ve met throughout the years of Upwards and booster club. Sitting in the stands watching him play in the same basketball gym we cheered players when we were students. Anticipating new memories with each game on the schedule. It was going to be great!

Well…..it wasn’t what we thought it’d be.

Honestly, I could just stop there.

How many times are we pumped up for a season and it doesn’t unfold into what we thought it’d be?

Like showing up every single day, early, and staying late giving every ounce of effort you have without a complaint and then being passed over for the promotion. Not what you’d thought it’d be.

Like getting up and sticking to that treadmill routine, staying disciplined to the eating plan, resisting the popcorn at the movies while every single person in your group is having some, with extra butter, only to get on the scale the next week and see not one pound has been shed from the efforts.

Like doing pre-marital counseling, making a ten-year plan, praying with and for your spouse, investing in their dreams and goals by personal sacrifice of time and money, then not feeling growth but rather decline in the marriage relationship.

Sometimes things don’t go as planned.

Sometimes things aren’t what we thought it’d be.

Kinda like seventh grade basketball for Jaron. He was eager. He was excited. He was at practice every single morning, five days a week, not missing one. He was on time, and even occasionally early when he could get his mom out the door to drive him there. He’d get home in the evening and practice free-throws, lay-ups and three pointers. He would shoot and shoot and shoot and shoot. Whether it was ten degrees or seventy, because yes, we have those temperature swings regularly in Oklahoma, he was out there working to improve.

So you can imagine how hard it was for us to watch him sit the bench. One game he didn’t play at all. Not at all.

Oh the parent inside. You know the parent inside. I wanted to give the coach some insight into my child’s hard work. I also wanted to ask him why not only my child was sitting the bench, but several other boys, who were good ball players. I saw a team of talent being overlooked. But every now and then God shows me how He’s growing me, because this communicator who feels everything can be worked out for the better with a good discussion never said one word. Not to the coach anyway. But to the Lord and my husband, I poured out my heart.

At one point this was dropped into my heart,

“Heather, you have prayed for years now that Jaron would know the difference between confidence and arrogance. Allow the opportunities to teach him.”

And wow—the opportunity taught him so very much.

A couple things we talked about were….

Perseverance, Dedication & Commitment

The Lord spoke through my heart that one day Jaron may not feel appreciated or valued at his job, but he’s going to give his best because he’s personally learned what is it to have perseverance, dedication and commitment. That one day, when he experiences difficult times in his marriage, he’s going to continue giving his best because he’s learned what is it to have perseverance, dedication and commitment. And that was developed on the bench, not on the court.

Another quality developed on the bench—a mindset of service.

After one of the games I said to him, “Jaron, I couldn’t have been more proud of you if you were out there scoring every point. I watched you sit on that bench, knowing how deeply you desired to be playing, and you were cheering and encouraging your teammates. Not an ounce of the disappointment you felt kept you from staying focused on the team.”

Toward the latter part of the season, Jaron’s playing time increased quite a bit. And with it came the discussions emphasizing the mindset of service. “Serve the team well. If you have an opportunity to play, play for the team, not for yourself. That way, when you’re pulled out, it’s not about you, but about what’s best for the team.”

I get it. No one wants to sit on the bench. Here’s where my Google search got me. There were over fifty players on the rosters for the 2017 Super Bowl teams. Only eleven players from each team were on the field at a time. That’s a lot of players all dressed up to sit the bench for the most-watched television-sporting event of the year. But they’re still getting something out of it. And so do we!

“What do you mean, Heather?” I’m glad you wondered!

I’m talking about Romans 8:17 NLT “And since we are His children, we are His heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share His glory, we must also share His suffering.”

May make ya wanna skip them both altogether. The glory may not be worth the suffering. Oh, but when the Lord is involved it is.

We are made into who He intended for us to be. We are developed beyond the tendencies of our nature. We are molded into more.

When life has you benched, when it feels it’s not worth the work, or the trouble, or the commitment, or the dedication, or the pain, or the suffering; remember, that in this world, all of it may very well seem worthless, but to God it’s the ingredients to produce something of great value!

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A Valuable Run: Making Family Devotionals a Reality

There are tons of good ideas that are never put into practice.  Many different factors can be the cause.  Ones that I’ve experienced personally are: lack of direction, self-doubt, and good intentions. The last one listed may throw you for a loop, because there is a lot of good that can come from good intentions.  But as I’m discussing in the book I’m writing, good intentions by itself can cause much harm and damage.  There needs to be more than a good intention if we’re going to actually accomplish something of value, as we’ll see in this post.

There’s a lot to learn from runners.  Some of which was illustrated for me this past Friday during Jaron’s first cross-country meet.  Before the official run, the team got familiar with the track.  They both walked and ran the course, giving them a mental approach in how to tackle it for the run.

I, myself, have never been in an official “run,” unless my treadmill programs and occasional outside run with Brandon count for anything.  But my experience with physical exertion led me to pick up on a few things that relate to our family morning devotionals.

For years I had the desire to have a consistent time for family devotionals. (Key word here is consistent.  We’d find the time here and there, but it was more there than here if you know what I mean).

Countless families have spoke of their family devotional time over the years, but it hit me when we were in….are you ready for it?....dun dun dunnn…..you guessed it—small group!  I told ya we’d make it back for another treasured nugget from attending small group, or life group or Sunday school or whatever we may call it-- or as my high school geometry teacher would put it, “whatever floats your boat.”  (I just loved that lady!)

Years and years ago, in our small group class, our friend Dayna shared how her family had their own little service in their living room one night a week growing up.  They got into the Word of God, they had worship, they shared needs and they prayed.  How incredible is that?!  Sign me up!  We're going to do that with our family!

Only we didn't.

Through the years I kept thinking it'd pan out.  I envisioned the season Brandon was out of engineering school-- then we'd be home together in the evenings and could have what Dayna's family had.  Well, before we knew it, we had another baby, then I was in nursing school-- rarely home for quality family time.  We juggled.  We juggled goals, educations and careers.  We juggled dance recitals, horse riding lessons, soccer practice, basketball practice, baseball practice, birthday parties and school activities and yes, church activities too.

The opportunity for consistent family devotionals was not happening.  Nope.  An open door of time never presented.  So a couple of years ago we created one.

We had to let go of what we thought family devotional time should look like.  We evaluated what would work for our family and we did it.

This is how it looks in our house. At 7:45am we grab our Bibles, sit at either the table or in the living room, read a small bit and pray.

Why is this so important? While we may have a solid daily quiet time with the Lord, we can’t assume our kids will. Think of how long it took for you to get to the place of such commitment. When it comes to establishing a daily devotional time, we need to realize that our kids may need some spiritual spoon-feeding. In their concrete thinking ways, they don’t even know to tell you they’re spiritually hungry. Just assume they are and feed them…daily.

What do we pray? The Word of God is alive and active so we pray what we read over our children each morning.  We pray for the challenges they may face, for the opportunities they may have to show love and kindness, we pray for their teachers, friends and fellow classmates.  This is also the time we pray as a family for the needs of others-- from lost dogs to friends with cancer, we bring it in the morning.

Let me tell you.  Once the commitment is made, everything, I mean everything will come in opposition to that time.  There are mornings we haven't moved as efficiently, or maybe are trying to multi-task too much.  Our allotted fifteen minutes dwindles.  So here's a couple different things we've done.

We set the timer. If we only have seven minutes, we set the timer so we are sure to leave on time and we take the seven minutes. Other times we don’t even have that, so we grab our Bibles and read a little in the car and pray on the way.  Occasionally, we’ve had to condense it even more, grabbing just one scripture to discuss and having prayer.

Friends, the Lord knows our hearts.  So many times we can't give Him what we think we should so we end up giving nothing.  Just give something.  Start somewhere.  Who knows, maybe it'll end up looking like what Dayna's family had, but you'll never know until you start.

So how in the world does this relate to a runner?

Well--

#1 Have a Game Plan.  Remember how Jaron got to familiarize himself with his course before he ran it?  That gave him a game plan of how to approach it and how to pace himself.  We need a game plan for our family devotional time.  Explore what would be the best approach for you.  Carve out what time you can.  This is going to look different for so many of us.  Develop a plan.  God will honor it.

#2 Let Others Motivate You.  When Jaron ran Friday, the other runners helped him improve his time!  He said he passed seven people during the run.  With each person he passed he wondered if he could pass another.  It was his motivation to keep going and it resulted in improvement.  That's what Dayna did for our family.  While we've not developed a time reflective of the one she had growing up, we did develop one.  If it weren't for her sharing so specifically and so personally what it meant to her growing up, I don't know that we'd have hung on to the intention for so long.  We finally made something happen.  And remember, something is better than nothing. Maybe my children will further build upon what we’re doing now and do even more for their family devotional time with their kids!

#3 Just Do It (I'm not sure it's even legal for me to say that-- so for the sake of covering my fanny- let's just tip our hat to Nike right about now). This is where we get back to the good intentions. We need more than mere good intention.  We need commitment. When we’re committed, we’ve resolved to do something.  If it’s a commitment then it’s strong, determined and unwavering. Sometimes we look at the course and think it’s too difficult; possibly too many hills and too far to the finish line. But once you are going you realize how doable it is and how great it feels each time you finish. There’s only a feeling of accomplishment after a good run. It never feels wasted. It feels good. The same goes with those family devotions. Just start the run!

Psalm 92:2 NLT It is good to proclaim Your unfailing love in the morning, Your faithfulness in the evening,

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