A few months back I had an adorable fourth-grade boy requesting he be withdrawn from the traditional classroom to the conveniences of online school. My son wanted to pursue his education within the comforting walls of our home. In listening to his request, I learned he was encountering some unpleasant social situations. Each day he walked into his school with some individuals he didn’t prefer to be around, some language he didn’t desire to hear, and some comments he didn’t know how to respond to. He was facing a difficulty and I had the ability to help him avert it.
I spend a large part of my work week in my home office. So, signing my kiddo up for online school would be oh-so-doable in our home.
No brainer, right? Switch the boy over. Guard his heart from the harsh realities of the world. Protect his innocence from the culture of today.
Whew. While that would seem like a no brainer, the trade-off felt too great.
For one, my son has an amazing group of friends. Already in the fourth grade, he has plugged in with some great kids. Many of the friendships he has been developing since preK. At his age, that means these are friendships of great longevity-- more than half his life!
Secondly, while there’s no avoiding the inevitable bad apples in a bunch, the teachers and leadership team at his school are committed to doing everything within their ability toward creating an environment of good character and hard work.
But above the social benefits that were apparent to me, my heart was challenged to encourage my ten-year old son to seek out the spiritual benefit of his difficult situation. We find it in James 1:2-4.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Pure joy.
I can tell you, it’s not the emotion my son would say he was experiencing. Pure joy. Not in the least. It’s not the emotion any of us would describe when facing a trial. But why do we need to consider our difficulties “pure joy?” Because the Word tells us without that trial, without that difficulty, we are not mature or complete. If we don’t face challenges, trials, hardships, suffering or difficulties, we are lacking.
Lacking? Immature? Incomplete?
That’s not part of our parenting plan. That’s not what we had in mind while working with a hot glue gun on school projects into the wee hours of the night. That wasn’t in the picture running on fumes of gas, physical energy, and time, to sporting events and band concerts. That wasn’t on our radar when budgeting in math tutoring, dance lessons, or private coaching.
Incomplete is not the image we have in mind when hearing the miracle of our baby’s first cry or holding our brand-new bundle of joy for the very first time.
But that is exactly the outcome if we avoid allowing our children to walk their own places of pain and experience their own encounters of difficulty.
“If we always feel the pressure to be the answer to every need and task, we short-circuit others’ need to trust God.” Lysa Terkeurst, The Best Yes
Nothing hurts us more than seeing our children hurting. It’s natural to hurt when our loved ones hurt. It’s natural to want to stop whatever is causing pain for our hearts, and if that means intervening to stop the pain we inadvertently experience from those we love, then absolutely, we do what we can to resolve the issue.
As understandable as that may be, we miss the bigger picture, we bypass the valuable opportunity, and we short-change the lasting benefit. Something we need to take note of, not just in our parenting, but also in our day-to-day ministry to others.
Difficulties provide an opportunity for God to personally present Himself. The difficulty may be the very thing that reveals the individual’s need for God.
Difficulties are a vehicle for God to show up and show off His supernatural ability in our lives.
Avoiding the difficulty is far too great a trade for our spiritual growth and development.
Trust that the difficulties encountered, the suffering experienced, is allowed in life to develop character and bring maturity. Trust God will provide everything needed so our lives will be complete, not lacking anything. Trust that God is using the difficulty to develop depth.
Please join back with me next week for the last of this three-post series as we dive deeper to consider what is demonstrated from difficulties.
