How many of you feel worthless? Or the need to fill that sense of belonging with things of this world?

-success

-money

-relationships

-social status

-physical appearance

I can tell you right now… I do.

This past year at Oklahoma State, I have put my focus on those five areas you see above, and I have never felt as empty or lonely. Now I am not saying these areas are bad, only when they are your sole focus is when they become destructive.

Nothing on this earth can save you or make you feel worthy except God and God alone.

“Who have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 73: 25-26

When writing this blog post, my mind went to a skit my youth pastor showed me years ago that illustrates this message beautifully— The Lifehouse Everything Skit. *see inserted video

It’s easy to give up when you rely on the world to be your focus and foundation, but the world can only take us so far until we crack. God never cracks. He is our foundation. He holds us up when those strongholds begin to take over in our lives.

I am studying Sports Media and working to become a sports broadcaster. This year I have finally been given the opportunities to be on camera and do what I love, but it hasn't come easy. Throughout the process I have struggled with my flesh and my spirit. My flesh tells me to soak up the attention, but my spirit asks, “Why are you doing this? Who is this for? You or Him?”

I put a smile on my face when I’m around my friends and colleagues. I post the most exciting moments of my life on Instagram. I strive for nothing less than perfection. I forbid people to see the broken, scarred, lonely, fearful, anxious, imperfect, and insecure Kinsey. That Kinsey hides. She never wants to be seen, so she disguises herself with what the world deems acceptable.

I have been trapped by this bondage for years. I have never felt worthy enough, so I chase after those five areas mentioned at the beginning to feel even the tiniest bit accepted by those around me. Here’s the problem with my mindset: I have never felt worthy enough because I am not enough. The world and everything it has to offer is not enough. No matter how successful I become, how much money I make, the number of followers I have on Instagram, or the number looking back at me on the scale, none of it is enough.

We can keep chasing materialistic things or we can surrender to Him, and just like that skit showed, when we finally surrender, God is in control.

No matter what your profession or your life looks like, it should never be lived to please you and your needs.

“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

Romans 8: 5-6

The devil will stop at nothing to make sure you continue to suffer and feel hopeless.

About a year ago, I was alone in my room. I had a bottle of pills on my night stand, and I was going through a rough time. I held that bottle in my hand and wanted to swallow every pill inside, but something stopped me. I fell asleep that night and had a dream that has stuck with me to this day. I was in the ocean all alone and wave after wave kept crashing over me. I was drowning, and I kept fighting the current. Finally, I stopped fighting. Before another wave could hit me, a hand reached down in the water and drew me up. It was a man dressed in white, and he dragged me to the shore.

Stop fighting, and let God fight for you.

I have this quote as my phone wallpaper, and every time I read it I remind myself to never give up.

She gets up.
She prays.
She sings.
She sweats.
She struggles.
She tries.
She gives.
She comforts.
She cries.
She hopes.
She dreams.
She sleeps.
She gets up…
And does it all again.